We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
