There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
