what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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