I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
