I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
