I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
