he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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