Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
