What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
