My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
