After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
