we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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