Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
