So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
