what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He has the fingertips of a God
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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