3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
