So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
then he tried to convert me to islam
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
