your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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