We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
