i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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