All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
