I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
