is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
