Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
