Where is the hickey?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I look better un-naked...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
