Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
