If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
