I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
