Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
