don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
