Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you made out with another girl for some wings
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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