what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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