There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
