So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
