does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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