I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
