you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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