I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dick very happy bro
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
