whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
