So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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