i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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