Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
