So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
