I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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