He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
