had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
