i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dignity is for republicans.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
