Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
