Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
