I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
